Feels so good to have today off! I picked up an extra shift yesterday even though we have been a little slow at work. Gotta get the overtime when you can!

Today I read: Write down the vision God has given you. I started to dig and tried to come up with that one thing. I once thought I had the vision to become a dentist. I still struggle with that some days! I also thought I had the vision to go and do some kind of mission or humanitarian work in another country for an extended amount of time. I'm not sure what came first- losing sight of the vision or life circumstances that piled on as I got older. Today, I am praying to receive a vision again.

I have traveled (a little bit) and guess that if there is something I wish to continue throughout my life, it is traveling. To be able to see & feel the people and culture of countries around the world- that is a powerful aphrodisiac. And the Earth and nature- I love the variety. Yesterday it was a bit windy in AZ. As I was driving along the freeway and the car was swaying a bit with the wind. I thought, we are so small compared to nature! We can think we are in control of our lives, but one volatile expression of nature and we can be devastated. Anyway, didn't mean to get all doom and gloom here. It was actually so beautiful to experience a different, weather day. And, I think that IS half the fun of traveling- experiencing the climates and nature of different places.

Another dream of mine is to buy an old, historic home and renovate it. This dream is materialistic. It would be one of those huge, sprawling estates that has acres of land and a unique house sitting in the middle with it's original fireplaces and an attic full of treasures. I would have big bushes of Hydrangeas in front, wrapping around a porch, where I can sit and enjoy the view every summer. The house would be passed on for generations and our family would "remember when" about the memories in that house forever. Or, you know what would be even better? To have multiple homes- the casual cottage on the beach for summer vacations, the cozy flat in London and a home tucked in the countryside in Belgium or Tuscany. Hmmmm.


Sunny days

It's been so beautiful here in AZ! This is the best time of year!



Fast post. Just wanted to clarify (from last post) that it isn't that people bug me when they talk about how good God is or about how in love they are with God. What gets me is when that sentiment is expressed verbally (and so often) but it doesn't seem to match with how the person lives their life. And, in truth, maybe I find it hard to believe that a person can be on that "high" off God constantly, because I myself feel that spiritual growth and need is not easy. And when I AM feeling like everything is "kosher" I don't want to be running around telling everyone, "Oh, this is what you must do and I am so happy". Instead, I would hope that through my actions and my confidant peace, others might say, "hey.. what is it about you... "


Satuday, What a Day!

Look at me! Keeping up with the posts :) So, I'm dog-sitting for the weekend for the cutest little dogs. All I have to do is go over to their house and feed them and play for a little. It's so cute when you come into the house and they are all excited to see you. I'm gonna take them for a walk later today. That should be exciting. Totally understand why people get so attached to their pets, but I still think I would need to be home more before I could commit to a pet.

Also started reading an inspirational book yesterday and it has hit a note with me. (Brennan Manning, The Furious Longing Of God.) I know my closest friends have heard me say I'm struggling with faith right now. Sometimes I feel a real disconnect with God and my purpose in this life. Things have been going amuck for quite awhile and nothing seems to be getting me back to where I need to be- passionate about life and living with a purpose. Anyway, I also picked up a fasting journal and after I finish my antibiotics I will start on that. Hopefully I will be able to share some of what I'm learning in this blog. But, in many ways, my spiritual relationship is not what I want to advertise to the world because it is quite personal and I am VERY put off by people who are like, "Oh, look at me, I love God and He is the best, and I am so happy". Sometimes, those words can sound like clanging cymbals.

Anyone see 20/20 last night? Loved it! Talked about the frivolous spending of our gov't and about some of the cons to programs like "the fence around our borders" and "pre-K for all children". Don't know what's happening to this gov't, but it is out of control! Unfortunately, it is really our own fault for not being informed and not voting for the people we really want representing us from a very local level. Politics, yuck!


Who Knew It Was In There?

I've been back home since Tuesday and finally feeling a bit better. I ended up going to urgent care on Wed because I was miserable. Ends up that I have a sinus infection. I'm taking some antibiotics and nasal decongestant stuff so it's doing the trick. It was just bizarre being so sick bc I can't even remember the last time I had the flu- much less something worse. I did take some sick days at work and so I feel better having the chance to rest and "drink lots of fluids" (doctor's orders :)).

I returned the fabric that I bought a few weeks ago. I hadn't started the projects I had in mind and then thinking about the money I spent on the fabric... I made the right choice and returned it all. It's probably hardest for me to stay out of the Homegoods stores and craft aisles than going clothes shopping, etc. But, I am determined to do it. After all, if I want a "project fix" I can just reorganize a closet or rearrange a room!

Yesterday I babysat (2 y/0 and 4 y/0) for just a few hours and I must say that kids are very frustrating sometimes. When I said "don't go into that room" (not a lot of places are off limits but I do have this guest bedroom that has a 'very tempting to rip apart' arrangement) my little 2 y/o would cross his arms and plant his feet in the ground and avoid eye contact. Where do they get this stuff!? And then, not talking about any kids in particular, kids will cry as if their world is falling apart for the littlest thing, they will not be reasoned with if they're focused on something and for goodness sakes- why is it so hard to get them to eat?

I have a friend who rubbed me the wrong way when she said, "I think people don't have kids because they're selfish". I think that sometimes people have kids because that is what is "expected" of them - and that is being selfish. You see, if you can't invest the time and energy into raising them to have healthy minds, bodies and spirits (and they are SOOO needy) then isn't it selfish to have them just so you can say that you also have them or because of a desire to see what your offspring would be like? In particular, I think the American- Romanian, Christan community with their young couples having the requisite 2-5 children while they themselves have no sense of stability or maturity is somewhat of a travesty. I KNOW that I am being judgemental when I say that but, I also work in a field where I see some of the worst family situations and I just want to scream "stop having children" already! It's so unfair to these kids! Yet, I know that life is a gift and every life has a purpose so I would hope that these kids thrive despite their circumstances.... yet, not most do!

And, I didn't think I would get to this tangent by the end of this blog, but the octet mom is a prime example of what is wrong with the ability to procreate in today's generation. Single, YOUNG mom with proven inability to care for her 6 children, is able to have 8 more (at once, no less) which for one person is physically impossible to just feed these babies- much less all the (vital) rest! Yet, she is also getting a new home, a general contractor, a furnished, decorated nursery by a hot- to- trot celebrity designer and much more... yea, Dr. Phil is shameless for helping hoist this attention on her! What, may I ask WHAT, is being done for children of all the "drug" moms out there who are on their 4th and 5th pregnancy? Oh yea, they're in CPS custody or the foster system that SUCKS! Maybe the solution is to bring back orphanages to each city. After all, isn't that what the media and the octet mom did by providing a home for these 14 children who will not know what a 2 parent stable home looks like? The kids will most likely bond with each other and they will help raise each other. Swell. Dr. Phil will still be in business in 18 years with the therapy sessions this will necessitate.


Birds are singing just outside

This blog sucks. I don't write often enough and when you don't keep up with something it seems to lose its relevance. I'm in San Antonio this weekend and since Esthera is upstairs giving Ethan a bath I have some free time to be online. Really like San Antonio. Went to a few touristy/ fun places and had a great Mexican meal today at the marketplace (for all those who might know what I'm talking about). I actually got online to see if the zoo or six flags is open tomorrow so I can plan my day. It's been so nice catching up with my sis and family. There's actually a lot to do here and the only downfall seems to be the humidity- one muggy place! Did I mention there seem to be a ghastly amount of birds here? I hear them chirping constantly. We stopped at a corner at the grocery store (for the stoplight) and there were hundreds on the electric wires. Pretty crazy.

I'm not sure what has been stressing me out lately (maybe working too much) because I got a bug. My throat started hurting before I left Phx and now I have a full blown cough. Truly believe I'm only sick when I get too stressed out.